2017 Golden Globes Fashion Rundown

I almost just went to bed.  This year, as is widely agreed upon, has really sucked.  Without going into details, there has been a perfect storm of awfulness in my life, the lives of my friends and loved ones, and dare I say this nation.  My passion for Red Carpet fun has been waning for some time now, and not because I adore the gowns any less, but I am struggling with the juxtaposition of the frivolity we need with the reality at hand.

At the urging of my fashion comrades, I took a peek.  I didn’t take notes, I didn’t religiously stay up past my bed time, and I even skipped the pre-pre-game shows.  Despite my less than enthusiastic following of last nights’ awards, and impulse to just simply write that nothing matters except what Meryl Streep said, this blog is about trends, and there were trends aplenty on the Carpet.  They were a bit kooky and noteworthy, so I will make note only to see if they stick around! Let’s poke fun, shall we?

Dear Sarah Jessica Parker……Look.  She’s an icon,  I adore her, she experiments, blah blah blah.  But the combination of the braids and the makeup well, yeah.  You see it too, no?  Never mind her dress.  Which starts the first trend of the night, #sillysleeves:


I do love an embellished sleeve, but every single one of these gowns ALSO has a train or beading, or straps or some other treatment making the sleeve look, well, weird.  Nicole Kidman looked like a Saloon Barmaid, Drew Barrymore squished her chest for the sake of that? I can’t even with the lovely Hailee Steinfeld who ALSO had a train, ruffles, and the third trend of the night, illusion:

Now, ever since Tonya Harding tripped Nancy Kerrigan, I have had a deep love for beaded illusion.  And this technique was used masterfully last night on so many gowns, one had to look very closely to determine if the next trend of the night, down-to-there necklines, were really down-to-there or rather a swathe of nude sheer fabric.  Of all the illusion on the Carpet, no one did it as beautifully as Lilly Collins.  That fabric was precisely her skin color, so each appliqué appeared to have been appliquéd directly onto her skin.  Brava.  Many stars bared their assets sans trompe l’oeil, most with great success:

I loved Kristen Bell, hair and makeup especially, and thought Mandy Moore has never looked better.  Jessica Biel wore it well but Pryanka Chopra fell flat for me, ironically.  I prefer this look on the less is more girls, perhaps for my own damn personal reasons thankyouverymuch.  What all of these ladies wore well (besides Miss Chopra) was a minimalist look, allowing their assets to shine.  No necklaces, crazy rings, etc.  Which leads me to another mini-trend last night, Ring Bling!

This is one of those trends I want to participate in, but can’t quite imagine how dinner would get made, or bathroom breaks be taken.  I love me some bling, and I suppose the Red Carpet fantasy is the perfect place for it.  One can’t help but wonder if this was a big, adorned, middle finger to the folks at E! who finally got rid of their mani-cam hand runway.  

There’s always some cray cray on the Carpet, and last night was no exception.  I hated Evan Rachel Woods in menswear, feeling like she looked very Victor Victoria understudy.  Or that she borrowed Janelle Monae’s outfits from former years….she is so darned cute I will forgive her dress that for some reason made me think of Pebbles from the Flinstones?  I wanted it to be a touch more refined.  I thought Drew Barrymore and Octavia Spencer had fit problems that took away from how beautiful they could have looked.  It kills me to say this, but I felt like Kerry Washington’s dress had an appliqué of a box cutter on her hip.  I didn’t get it.  When the lovely Anna Kendrick sees her migrating boob in photos tomorrow, she will regret her gray chiffon tit sling.

My Best Dressed folks had to include Lilly Collins, ethereal and demure, Kristen Bell for most likely to wear what I would wear, and Ruth Negga for bringing the real live FASHION to the Carpet this year.  Now, let’s see if those #sillysleeves trickle down to a J.Crew Puffy shirt…..



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